I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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