are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
