A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
