thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
