this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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