No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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