why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I would ride that face into the sunset
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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