What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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