My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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