Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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