the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
