Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
