hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
