Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
