He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
