True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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