Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
