Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
