Three words: puerto rican gang bang
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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