we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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