Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
