i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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