dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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