Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Your penis caused this!
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