My hand turned me down
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
