It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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