the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?