All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae