he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
