If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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