So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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