Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
third nipple confirmed
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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