Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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