I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
