I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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