The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
