lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
