i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
