It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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