I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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