she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
