When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
