Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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