Jerry, you need to find god
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
