apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
