Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
