it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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