you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
