If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
