rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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