a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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