This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
