I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
