Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
