omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
