Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
