she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
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