the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
me + whiskey = a bad person
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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