time to smoke my breakfast
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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