found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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