there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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