also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
