Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
