She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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