if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
