I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
