seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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