Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
