There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
