He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
