Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
